War of Succession
by Cececat
Summary: The Queen is dead. Since her son Frank - the only proper heir - is also dead, people are fighting for the throne. These include distant relative of the royal family Lord De'Lordy, famed general Riff Raff, and (strangely) Janet the Earthling. Will the war destroy all? In the very least it will destroy reputations, since slander is a popular weapon. (Please Read/Review!)


**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: This story is a bit strange. It's inspired by a variety of movies and historical nonsense. Some place names are based on _Star Wars,_ for example. Hopefully it's not too odd. I think I'm an awful writer, though I'm not really sure. **

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_A Not So Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Not Too Far Away_ …

There was a planet called Transsexual, in a galaxy know as Transylvania. It was a strange place ruled by a king, queen, or drag queen. As one might expect it was a decadent place. Life was both a cabaret and an opera to these people. The government was considered entertainment for the masses. Banishing people was routine and usually rather temporary. So far all rulers had been relatives officially named as heirs by the previous ruler.

 _Then_ there was Queen Julilla. She refused to name an heir. Of course, she did have one legitimate and two secret _illegitimate_ children. There was also a cousin from the De'Lordy family that some people thought would make a good king. But nobody was officially named as ruler…

Far too soon Julilla died. A time of chaos began. Three persons emerged as strong contenders for the throne. These were the royal cousin Lord Lepidian De'Lordy, General Riff Raff Vitus, and a young woman called Janet who claimed to be the ex-lover of Julilla's late son.

The stage was set for disaster, madness. Only one could win this wild and untamed war. But who…?

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 _14 August 1975. Denton, Ohio, Earth_ :

Twenty-three year old Janet Weiss lay in her bedroom and stared aimlessly at the ceiling. A week ago she married her high school sweetheart Brad Majors. Technically she'd changed her name to 'Mrs. Janet Majors' but she didn't feel like that title fit her properly. Nothing that once made sense still made sense. Janet didn't like that, since it made things so awkward. Gone was that who did what she was told.

Earlier in the year (February) she'd almost tried drowning herself. It had failed, which somehow pleased her. It was as if life were a game. Thanks to that _Frank_ and his _Castle_ she wanted life to be a game. The idea of living in this bland state of being was rather sickening. It was also mind-numbing and madness-inducing.

Brad didn't agree with all this, to Janet's annoyance. This quiet life of theirs suited _him_ well enough. He hoped to forget the castle and that… man in drag. Such things didn't fit into Brad's idea of how the world worked.

Living on this dull little blue-green planet in an unfashionable outward spiral of Janet's little silly galaxy wasn't something she enjoyed. Danger – that's what she needed.

After staring at the ceiling for a while she sat up. If her stomach was correct it was dinnertime. That meant she needed to cook something bland and boring for Brad to eat. And for her to eat, though she didn't like thinking about that. Life on Earth was practically painful.

"Life on _Mars_ wouldn't be much better," she muttered. "All those space-men with their lasers and everything. Not to mention Ziggy and his spiders. Now _that's_ the life for me…"

Smiling to herself she walked into the kitchen to make something edible – if that was even possible anymore. When she'd turned into this rebel without a cause it had been like all her housewife skills were surgically removed and replaced by the ability to curse without wincing, discuss really dirty subjects, jump into lakes to see what happened, and other peculiar things.

Thankfully, she was able to cook some sort of pasta and sauce by the time Brad got home. The two of them sat down at the table in silence and began to eat. Neither spoke for a while.

"You know what?" Janet said suddenly, smiling impishly.

"What?" Brad replied, nervously.

She laughed. "If your haircut didn't remind me of John, Paul, George, and Ringo I probably would've divorced you by now. You're terrible dull."

"Remind you of _who_?"

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 _Same Time. Strangelove's, Eisley, Bisexual_ :

In the worst part of crime-ridden backwater town Eisley there's a bar called after it's owner, Lilli Strangelove. She's named after her strange 'love' of various things few sane beings 'love', such as the recently deceased.

Strangelove's frequented by the worst sort of people. They're the assassins, whores, gamblers, drunks… and, worst of all, politicians. The first four have their own guilds on the planet Bisexual. Though the last are so fiendishly wretched that they don't have any sort of organization.

On the evening this particular story begins two politicians from the planet Transsexual (capital of the galaxy Transylvania) were just entering the place. For no clear reason they'd both brought dates with them. The sickly-thin blonde one had a lovely redheaded woman with him and the chubby dark-haired man held the arm of a pretty brunette young man who appeared rather dandy-like. The two politicians nodded seriously to each other before speaking. The dark haired on looked very nervous, while the other seemed perfectly calm. For a moment they stared at each other in silence. Then, the blonde man spoke.

"How are you this evening?" he asked, smiling cruelly.

"Well enough," the other replied fearfully.

Still, the blond smiled. "Let's skip the rest of the… _un_ pleasantries and get straight down to business. Do you think an alliance is possible? Or are you two… cowardly for such things?"

He was having fun being unpleasant to this man. Usually he was kinder to people, but he held a grudge against the fool. It was because of families fighting and various small things. Yet he was good at 'scary' and liked to have a bit of fun now and then.

"Oh. I'll try to. We'll make a good alliance, I think!"

The redheaded woman smiled sweetly at this. Things were going _just_ as planned without much difficulty.

"So you agree?"

"I agree."

Paperwork was signed in blood, alcohol was consumed, and the two couples celebrated (separately, mind you). An alliance had begun between somebody weak and someone powerful. Yet why? You shall see later…

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